So, quite honestly, I'm not sure where or how to begin this post or to put it in a way that doesn't sound negative. I guess I should start by saying that I've really enjoyed writing this blog so far every day, forcing myself to have a more positive outlook on the world by virtue of having to keep a public record of things. And I've really enjoyed all of your comments and your e-mails and your notes on Facebook, telling me how my positivity has helped you be more positive or has helped you appreciate your own life more. But --
Someone said something negative to me about this blog last week. I'm not going to say what it was, because that would be, well, spreading negativity, now wouldn't it? But the sad fact was that over the weekend I was dwelling on it quite a bit. This one thing, of course, seemed to resonate much louder in my brain than all the positive comments, thoughts, and notes (and there have been quite a few) that I've received in the past six weeks. So I wondered, why is that?
I think it goes back to the reason why I started this blog in the first place. And not because I was depressed or I have a bad life, because I wasn't, and I love my life. I know I'm lucky to have an amazing husband and two beautiful children and a career as a writer. It was more that I personally would tend to dwell on negative things that happened, or that I tended to always view things in a glass half empty sort of way rather than a glass half full. And I started this blog because I thought I could change this about myself. And really, I have been.
Except I couldn't -- and can't -- stop dwelling on that one negative comment. As a writer, it's kind of the same way I feel when I get a rejection letter or a bad review. No matter how many good things have been said about a book, it's the negative that seems to always eat away at me, making me question whether a book will succeed, or whether I, as a writer, will succeed. I even considered for a moment, this weekend, that maybe I should stop writing this blog. But, that seems to defeat the whole purpose of starting this in the first place, doesn't it?
So today my question for you is this: how do you drown out negative feedback or forget about negative things people say to you? Is there a way to make positive feedback resonate louder? Please share!
It's hard! I've gotten much better at dealing with it. I just tell myself you can never please everyone. Just move forward-don't let negativity get you down! xo
ReplyDeleteI am definitely not a hard-shelled person and always chalked the fact up to my German heritage, which in case you have not heard requires one to "shoulder the blame for every mistake that ever occurred"!! While this is intended as tongue-in-cheek humor, there IS truth to it; just ask anyone who has German ancestors!
ReplyDeleteIn my public service job, I always responded to a *put-down* by repeating the speaker's comment, letting him/her decide whether I was agreeing or merely mocking. This "always worked"
Psychologically, it is more difficult to put the nasty comment away. It helps to remember your backlog of attributes. And it helps to mentally store the thought, picturing it *being tossed in the computer's recycle bin*. for instance (with all the other garbage!)
Sorry the negative comment that person made hit you so hard. People should keep their comments to themselves unless they're constructive (like a way to be helpful rather than to bring you down). I've taken the negative and took it as constructive and found a way to turn things around for myself. That usually helps. Like Liz said, you can't please everyone. Focus on the positive and use that to drown out the negative.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. I've had days where I had let a driver with a nasty attitude ruin the rest of my commute to school (not long, thankfully). The thing that helps me the most, is sending good thoughts to the offender. I tell myself she is just a poor shmuck who is hurting herself more with her own aggressivity. I also wish her the best -- and that one way she'd get better. On the upside, stupid comments/bad attitude epsiodes are always fleeting. Before you know it, they melt back into the Universe, and probably go on to hurt the person who caused them, not you. I guess I do believe in karma :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the advice and positive karma guys! Chucking the comment into the mental recycle bin as I type this :-)
ReplyDelete